Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
