Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
