i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
