I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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