She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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