Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
