You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
