a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
