or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
