it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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