Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
