I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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