I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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