i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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