Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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