look no pants
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
