Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
