I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
