i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
