Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
