Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
