K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
