Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it glows. i had to have it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Panties = found
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