Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
