I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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