Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
