dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
