oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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