I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
