my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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