My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
