Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
