Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
