I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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