Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
