State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
