my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
