I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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