I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
