There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
