she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
