every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
