just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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