If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
All I want is dick and wine.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
