my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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