he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
