Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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