How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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