sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
