Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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